Responsible For
vs Responsible To

Central to our philosophy is the difference between being ‘responsible for’ someone versus being ‘responsible to’ them.

When I Feel Responsible
TO Others

  • I show empathy, encourage, confront with love, am sensitive, and listen-to-hear.

  • I feel relaxed, free, self-assured, aware, peaceful, and loving.

  • I am concerned with feelings, truthfulness, being genuine, vulnerability, honesty, and the person.

When I Feel Responsible
FOR Others

  • I try to fix, protect, rescue, control, argue, and carry their feelings.

  • I feel tired, anxious, fearful, frustrated, angry, and liable about the results.

  • I am concerned with details, being right, circumstances, the solution, answers, and performance.

When I Feel Responsible
FOR Others

I try very hard to make the person live up to what my expectations are of them.

I try very hard to get the person to agree with me and affirm with my opinions.

Being responsible ‘FOR’ someone means that you are taking on the responsibility for what that person believes and how you believe that person behave.

For instance, it is reasonable for a parent to be responsible ‘FOR’ their young or early-teen child.

Ensuring that they are safe and that they are being properly educated and mentored.

If we try to take responsibility for an older child (late teens or adult), or with someone who is independent of our family, we will only frustrate our relationship and we will inevitably alienate them.

Even though our intentions may be entirely honorable, the person will eventually end up feeling unheard and disrespected.

The relationship may become so strained that shared trust is dissolved and the relationship is fractured.

When I Feel Responsible
TO Others

I believe that I will be effective if I am kind and do my best for the person.

I accept that the person is responsible for their own beliefs and behaviours.

Being responsible ‘TO’ someone means that you are encouraging the other person to grow as an independent person; in charge of their own thoughts and decisions.

For instance, it is reasonable for a parent to be responsible ‘TO’ their late teen or adult child.

Acknowledging their right to have opinions and make decisions that you might not agree with.

This does not mean that we neglect to offer them our opinions about important concerns; but it does mean that we share our thoughts and perspectives in ways that are not over-bearing or manipulative.

Allowing our child to be ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. Allowing them to embrace opinions and behave in ways that we might disagree with.

This helps the person respect your thoughts and possibly consider your alternative viewpoint.